(Some of) The Music that inspires me to be here

It has been a quieter week for me this week. This does not mean less happened BUT it does mean that I MIGHT wander off-subject even more than normal. It got me a’thinking about the whats and the wheres. I know, I always say something like this so as to gently drift into a faux-philosophical ‘closing thought.’ I am aware of this so please do not hold it against me, I have never pretended to be a great writer neither have I ever alluded to being anything but a fella with a beard. Read on or not, it’s your choice.

I thought that instead of drip feeding you bits and pieces of inspiration, I would give you a creative foundation of influences upon which I have build my mental state. Some areas, such as music, are much more fluid and change daily/hourly/minutely(??) but other areas mainly books and films are fairly rigid and hard to impregnate. In this musical sojourn , I have concentrated more on songs with home as their main theme for no other reason than home is often on my mind in a good way.

Edward Sharpe – Home. This is a song that has amazingly mixed feelings for me. It is a wonderful example of how to exemplify loving sentiments with happy noises. I love it. Sadly, it is tied up in a web of memories that I would rather forget - it’s all very soap opera-ish. Home. It’s where you lay your hat. It’s where your heart is. It’s where you get fed, cleaned and watered. It’s is where you are happy enough to make a sound of utter utopian content similar to that which the girls makes at 3:42. The warm, happy jangly feel to this track makes my head think of the messes that you made and grew to love in your room when you were younger. It’s like building a blanket fort for the soul. Trust me, I have built a LOT of blanket forts.

Welcome Home by Radical Face. This conjures COMPLETELY different set of memories and emotions. It reminds me of a wonderful period in time that I spent with Jimmy McSparron - Trekkingnut in the village of Pa’ Umor in the Kelabit Highlands in Sarawak, Borneo. Despite its central theme of going/arriving home, the minute the chorus starts the build, I have a strong sense that I NEED to head out into the world and see it. It’s pretty much an irrepressible compulsion but I think that has more to do with the grand, crescendo-ing, soaring vocals and major key than the lyrical content. I I’d be curious to hear what you think.

I know wrote about him but a few weeks ago BUT Michael Kiwanuka’s Home Again still features heavily in my daily mental playlist and it also fits quite nicely with this theme. His heart-achingly raw, longingly sorrowful voice adds a wonderful depth to the intensity of this song. There is a strong sense of regret and desperate hope that he'll feel home again, in this case it seems like home is wherever SHE might be. Broken hearts, we’ve all had them, we’ve all dealt with them differently we’ve all (hopefully) bounced back stronger from them. I know that the cognitive re-visiting of such memories can have a detrimental effect but the whatever-doesn’t-kill-you-makes-you-stronger principle works with great effect here. If I weren’t for the heartbreak and anguish of 2010, I doubt I would be as happy as I am now.

It is not all about the umm-tiss umm-tiss of modern music y’know. Ave Maria sung by Maria Callas – the song that played as my Grandfather – Api – was cremated shall forever hold an intensely strong fire in my belly that makes my heart swell with pride. This was a man who talked himself and family out of many MANY difficult situations during the Magyar Revolution in the 1950. I do not think that many people know, mainly because I have never told them, that I see a great deal of Api in me. From what I know and remember, he was a proud and courageous man who held honesty and humility as important virtues. He spirit has definitely been passed down through the generations.

Lastly Beethoven’s Piano Concerto No. 5 in E-Flat major. Firstly it is hard to find a picture to represent this so I added one of my own.My friend Mike and I would often listen to this in the evenings in the jungles of Sarawak and drift off to our respective cerebral havens. Just so’s you know, neither Mike nor I are Beethoven. I don’t have a lot to say about this. It is glorious. It is beautiful, magnificent and reminds me why I am so happy to be alive. Give it a go.

You have to understand that these are a tiny weeny snapshot of the music that really presses my buttons and has a direct correlation to what I am thinking. If you are curious enough to see where else my audio wanderings go then have a look at my hypemachine playlist. I admit that I have not updated it recently but that is mainly because my internet connection cannot sustain the streaming music. Aaaaaaaaaah the joys of living in the third world... One day, if you are lucky I will have finished my life story and I am sure music will feature heavily there.

For now, happy listening.

Be well good people.

Love, WonderBear(d) x

YEAH. That's numerical bullet points

I write this while getting my hair plaited. I needed to get that off my chest. I’ve said it now and there is nothing I can do to take it back. Judge me if you dare. It has been a fun filled and busy week here at Liquid headquarters. I’ll give you a quick lowdown.

1.       The DiveMaster Village has started to come together

2.       Sasha and I have passed our Rescue Diver course

3.       Stephen and Peggy left BUT now we have John and Ro (not to mention a hoard of French botanists plus another couple due tomorrow.

4.       Keith aka Lolo and Claire’s house has been completed and Keith spent a wonderfully cool first night sleeping there last night

5.       I have bought a dive computer

I’ll break these down for you as to why they are interesting/important/noteworthy. For Reference’s sake, I shall write a small directive relating to its numerical co-hort above. Interesting? I don’t care whether YOU think it is, I LOVE this kind of geekery.

1.       We/ I am very lucky to be one of the longterm “guests” here. I am one of three at the moment. There is Gui, the classically handsome French, butter loving Instructor; myself – hairy, happy, heart-makingly happy and our old friend – superbly knowledgeable, hard working and a good partner for propping up the bar. As an aside note, I personally use the term heart-makingly as the antithesis of hear-breakingly. If you have a better idea, please get in touch. WE are going to inhabiting the DiveMaster Village which will give us a room each with a communal self-contained eating, sleeping, sitting, washing, cooking, talking, eating and SLEEPING area. Yeah, I meant to put eat and sleeping in twice for added contextual importance.

2.       If you were paying attention you would have noticed that last week I wrote “Saniya and I successfully passed our Rescue diver exams”. There were a series of moments where we both thought we had finished the course (having being told so – a simple mistake to make), only to hear an “Oh no! There is a non-responsive diver in the water” or “where’s Gui? I saw him out in the reef about 100 metres that way” only to find him/them at the bottom being non-breathing divers in trouble. S’ok, we saved them. It took a fair amount of convincing to assure us that we HAD finished. We, are now RESUCE DIVERs ready to respond to your rescuing needs which being well accomplished and responsible rescue divers means we will pro-active prevent as many problems arising as possible.

3.       John and Ro are here with their limitless enthusiasm, smiling demeanour and GREAT diving videos. Four dives a day for the next week then? Don’t mind if I do! THANKS. The French ‘botanists’ arrive tomorrow so Gui will be able to happily talk to them in his mother tongue without fear of reprisal or the micky being taken. The interesting question is whether they like to dive? We have been informed that they like plants and nudibranchs. The trickier part is how they relate. The running thought is that PERHAPS they will like coral as well. I think they will especially because the coral here is magnificent and has left most of our past guests speechless. I look forward to their arrival.

4.       Keith’s house which is the lower floor if the grandparents’ villa has been completed. In the process, Tim and I were ‘asked’ to build Kieth a kitchen cabinet. When I say asked, I mean cajoled. When I say cajoled I mean told that it was part of my DiveMaster training. Little did they know that I quite enjoy building stuff so I was happy. Watch how it went here!

5.       A dive computer. Is this necessary? Isn’t it just big boys toys? To be honest. No. It is a vital piece of diving equipment. Yeah, I know, electronic tape measures and USB laser pointers are also vital but in this case it serves a heavily practical purpose. I’m not sure if you knew but as you dive (deeper) an increasing amount of nitrogen is absorbed into the blood, so computers are there to make sure thatyou stay within the conservative limits by tracking your depth and time and reducing the possibility of decompression illnesses... Decompression illness is NOT GOOD. Do stuf that stops it being a possibility. PLUS, if all goes to plan, then I will be doing this for a fair while with (good) people being my resonpnsibility so it would be negligent NOT to have a computer to help plan my dives with them. If you are interested, I am going to get a Suunto Vyper.

I hope that all is well whereever you may be. I think that if you’re feeling a bit down on your luck or in need of a life-is-good boost then, honestly, you should start considering a visit to these shores. Not only would yo ube welcomed by a big smile, cold beer a-plenty and wonderful food, you will also have to deal with sun, sand, and the sound of the ocean waves. G’waan. Do it. I promise you won’t regret it

OK OK OK...

...I know I said I'd write or call you back. It not you it's me. I think you're great but I'm just not ready... Oh wait. This was supposed to be for someone else.

It truly has been a while and for that I'm sorry. Last time I wrote I wasn't feeling great BUT I powered through better and BADDER than ever before. We were staying in a place called Long Lellang. I'd been there before as you might have noticed from a previous missive and so returning there was not a chore in the least. I THINK it's the closest I've come to finding my personal paradise on earth so far. There is a wonderful warmth in the people there and an unbridled beauty in the surrounding jungles as well as the valley within which the settlement nestles. It was a while ago but I'll fill as much detail as possible.

We arrived to the warm(ish) greeting from the house keeper who I affectionately call ibou (Ibou is Malay for mother. I'm unsure of her real name) and her husband. He ended up giving me a crazy foot massage to help my chest. Not sure if it worked but that man has STRONG hands. Wowser. The new 'leader' fella proved a touch lack lustre but I'm not going to go into it. We wandered into the jungle for a few hours and found ourselves on a beautiful hillside camp. Unfortunately. It. Rained. HARD. Constantly. I hear you're having a touch of rain in blighty. God bless summer eh!

We went back to ibou and paradise because it was two other guys birthday - a 21st and a 27th. Amazing fun. Massive food. And these incrEDIBLE (you see what i did there) steamed (yeah steamed) pink cupcakes. I had arranged the food with 'bou and so we didn't go hungry. 2types of curry. A few types of greens, pineapple curry, twice fried eggs in barbecue sauce (surprisingly amazing) oh gosh and so much more.

Over the next 10/12 days we learned some advanced medical training ranging from understanding antibiotics and medicines to learning how to administer injections with syringes, suturing and intra-muscular treatment with canulas and a drip. We had to practice putting the canulas on eachother. It was AWESOME. Very exciting and proud moment. We have also used the time to finnish some more assessments which I'm still doing really well at so fingers crossed, I'll be back here next year.

It was with great sadness that i left Long Lellang but i intend to go back in September. We had a few stop over nights in Miri which resulted in the usual lunacy and culinary over indulgence (2 KFCs. 1 sitting.) as well as a little bit of shopping - mainly t-shirts, vests and shorts. My feet had taken a battering and so i chose to forgo footwear for a while... Turns out i was also to go commando for a few weeks as well.

The first evening was followed with beers... Etc. I was reasonably sober and then Mike came out at around midnight after a long Skype with his lady. We decided to move lication and met the burger vendor (naturally a good friend of mine by now) and he took us out to a club. Heavy heavy techno with Malaysians dancing on every surface available. PERFECT. Alas the lights went up and we were left venueless. Fear not, we befriended some nice Sikh boys who told us about another club which they then proceeded to drive us to. This place was a DIVE bar. Actually, it turns out it was a gay dive bar. I'd always assume that to be an oxymoron. The men seemed to like it when a statuesque Dutchman (mike) and a Bearish type (me) wondered in. So much so that they errr... Kept... Errr tweaking my penis (mum, dad it's ok, i promise this has only strengthened my heterosexual resolve""". You will still have grandchildren). I DID take a while for mike and I to realise that not only were these friendly men gay BUT the friendly women were actually friendly gay transexual men. I had to use the line: 'I have a penis, do you have a penis?' The answer was yes. I walked away quickly... Turns out we were in Borneo's ONLY transexual/gay club... I wish I'd worn underwear... And shoes. We got home at 5:30am and left the hostel at 7 to head to Mulu.

MULU is a national park famous for its pristine (apart from the tourist walkways) jungle, it's mountains and caves. We wandered round a show cave... It was cavenous. I may or may not have gotten completely naked in the world's largest 'passage'. Next day we did some adventure caving which involved climbing stuff but underground. The chambers were quite magical and inconceivably dark which wasn't a surprise to me but worth a mention. We headed back to Miri. Drank and made merry in Miri (hehe) in order to fly to Kota Kinabalu the next day. Until this point we had be gallivanting through Sarawak. Now we hit Sabah

KK is a developed, touristy, busy city. not a massive fan but it is the gateway to Sabah. The interesting part was that we had no idea of a plan so we were told a budget and we knew we had 8people and 12 days to fill so we each headed off or hit the phones or the Internet to get things together. After much dancing about, we are about to head off on a 5day cycle and trek around Mount Kinabalu. This trip has never been travelled without local guides or external support. SO we were lent bikes and a 4wd pickup was organised by a former TrekForcer but we needed spare parts and a whole lot else in the space of a day and a half. I managed to secure about 300RM of discounts for 1500RM of stuff. It felt like an episode of The Apprentice although there were fewer twats. Fewer. Not none. Just fewer. I will write again after the bike trip... Although we will be heading to a desert island for a week so I might not write until after then.

Sloppy man-love

Ads x

WOW. Wasn't expecting THAT

Wow... Wasn't expecting THAT to happen

I'm lying in my hammock in the middle of FUCKING (sorry mum) nowhere. We're 1/2 days shorts of having trekked from Bario to Long Lellang and it has been a bit of a roller coaster... Almost literally.

Firstly I'd like to highlight how much fun it is to use the double 'k' in trekked. Thanks.

The total journey is something like 50km which doesn't sound like a lot but if you imagine that this is up and down mountains in jungle, with 20kg bag on your back. Oysh. It's a toughie. Me being me though I thought I'd up the ante so I developed some kind of chest/throat virus on day two. This basically rendered me perma-breathless and dizzy. Not ideal I hear you say?! No. Not ideal. The poor medic - Dr Doug - who had only arrived two days earlier basically had to recommend me rest which had to be translated to 'walk 10hours a day up hill'. I send this message a little bit tentatively because I know you might worry but I want you to rest easy. I'm better now. By the time I'll have sent this, I'll be holed up in the presidential suite in our accommodation. I have to add here that if it weren't for the team of people I was surrounded by, I've got no doubt things would have been far worse. A group of individuals. No. STRANGERS but a few months ago showed more love, depth of character, guts and resilience this last week than I would have ever though possible. We are all, quite rightly, very proud of ourselves. 

(Since initially writing this I've arrived safely but I think my body has given up the goat a bit so I'm going to stay in bed for a little while. I reckon 2-3 days should do it! LIFE'S TOUGH EH!!)

Having been to Long Lellang before, Jim and I have organised for Deer Rendang to be waiting for us. This is what kept me going. That and imagining my beautiful SPACIOUS bed in blighty.

I've decided to book into a hotel for a night in Miri to pamper myself. I'm also thinking i might TRY and comeback for a few weeks at Christmas. IF you think you can handle it, I will be doing a non-stop tour of every eating establishment in the UK during this period. Any suggestions kindly welcomed.

This last week has been by FAR the toughest physical challenge I've ever faced. Has it whetted my appetite for more? Not sure. Ask me another time.

I know I've only been gone a short while BUT I think often how much I love(d) hugging/laughing with/talking to/being near you. I appreciate this is a group message but it's to a group of people I qualify my life by. I think my life is pretty spectacularly awesome so thank you for that.

Internet here is woeful otherwise I'd call. Also sorry if I haven't sent you a personal email please do not be upset with me, I will. One day. 

I don't want to make this part clichéd BUT, you're rarely out of my thoughts and those times in between, you are carried safely and warmly in my heart. 

Much love as always,

Ads x

=

Halfway... and not counting

Well well well. Here we are again.

I've officially passed the halfway point for my training and as usual I'm extremely happy and love the fact that this is my life edit now. As I mentioned at the end of my last missive, I could see myself doing this... For how long? Not sure but I think I picked the right company and the right course. Even if I don't end up with a proper job I will DEFINITELY love take you all out and about...

Since we spoke last, I've been to Long Lellang and lived like a jungle king. It was one of those weeks that will go down in my history as the cause for the MOST superlatives needed. I'll try and list a few but I'm sure I'll forget some. I ate: lizard (tasted like barbecue ribs), boar, python (which I helped gut and skin... Oh yeah it was 6 metres long and wider than my thigh), the snake fat, three types of deer, MANY fish, frogs and probably many flies and spiders in my sleep. I taught our housekeeper, yeah we had a house keeper, how to cook yakitori frog. She's going to teach me to cook deer rendang - a spicy fragrant Malaysian curry. CAN'T WAIT to cook it when I get back!! We hung out with a Penan fella. The Penan are the indigenous kings of the jungle. He gave us each a pisour which is a long handled knife. I spent the next day carving my parang handle with it. Looks AWESOME. We went frog hunting/wacking in the middle of the night. This basically involved looking for the reflection of the frogs' eyes and hitting them hard enough to knock them out... With a MASSIVE sword/knife. It was fun. I also reckon I've perfected the sumpit (blowpipe). I managed to shoot a small peach from 10metres away. Next up - using it for hunting. We taught in the school for the afternoon and basically spent a week laughing hard enough that I thought I COULD end up with a sixpack. I didn't.

Jim and I took care of business and paved the way for our fellow 'TELS' to trek there (only a 6 day walk) as well as securing a steady supply of pineapples and rice upon our arrival. We've hopefully organised a few projects for next year after meeting the headmen and village council so who knows, maybe I'll get to work on them?!?

We had to write it all up in 18 hours in Miri as well as risk assessments, casualty evacuation plans and a provisional logistics plan and budget which meant 16 hours in an Internet cafe... An hour was needed each day for KFC and Pizza Hut. Job done.

We have been in Pa'Umor for a week staying in a longhouse. It's like a Victorian terraced street but none of the houses have dividing walls. It's kinda nice with all the families together.

We've been learning river crossings and getting feedback from month one. It seems all is going well and I'm ticking all the right boxes which I'm properly chuffed to hear. ALTHOUGH I did fail my river crossing but, in the instructors words, 'you were making it look to easy so we fucked you over a little bit'. I lead a days work fixing a local bridge and got a high grade for that... I've passed everything else with high passes so having to re-take the river stuff isn't so bad.

I'm lying here listening to music writing this. We're packing for 8days in the jungle so I've no doubt that I'll have more to add as the days go by, assuming we've survived the trek in with 25-30kgs on our back. Oh. And belt kit night assessment which involves 2/3 nights out with nothing but out survival kit. I'll let you know (I hope).

So!! I've returned. Triumphantly. It's been an amazing few weeks. The march into what is now known as sun bear camp was dealt with. As usual, I sweated like a beast but enjoyed every step. It was wonderful to setup camp in maiden rainforrest. It's hard to put into words how elated I feel at the moment but basically having spend 5 nights in a gorgeous spot, setting it up for the next group, we wondered into a NEW part of the jungle with our belt kits to make our own homes. On. Our. Own. Most of you already know that I have been looking forward to this to MONTHS. It  lived up to my hopes. Pure bliss. I made a wonderful shelter that I think I will go back to at the end of the course. Set some traps (part of the assessment) and generally soaked in my surroundings. I had a wonderful spot next to a meander in the Pa Semarang river. It was cold at night especially as I didn't have a sleeping bag (they're pretty hard to make from leaves) so I kept a fire going each night next to my bed but all in all I slept really well. I'm back in Bario lying on a real live bed once again questioning how I've come to deserve such holistic joy and happiness in my life. I'm pretty sleepy now so I'm going to have a snooze before I cook boar for everyone later.

We're walking to Long LELLANG in two days and that should take around 6days/nights. I'm not sure when we'll have Internet again so until then...

You are seldom out of my thoughts. I wonder/ponder how you all are and love reading your words when they come.

I am sending lots of love, energy and happiness as always.

Ads x

PS my beard is getting very bushy!!!!

So far...

It's been roughly a month since I left and it's been pretty much non-stop but in a very good way - definitely appreciate the downtime a LOT!

It's hard to explain what we've been doing so I'll list what comes to mind and expand on the fun bits.

In Bario - an agglomeration of small villages set amongst the Kelabit highlands - we stayed in a beautiful (but basic) long house. This was our base. From there we would trek for 5hours with bags and kit and food to get to our jungle camps called Silverleaf and Hornbill.

Initially we learned basic jungle skills which mainly involved not being a twat. There was a fair amount of acclimatisation to do both physically and mentally. It's a strange place the jungle. I like it. A few of the others dont. You can't see the sky so you dont see sky it for a week at a time so some of the guys got a bit 'jungle feverish'. We played with our parangs (Malay machetes) learned to make fire, brushed up on navigation and got our heads round jungle chores. The hardest part is probably putting on soggy boxers each morning because you spend the day in your 'wet kit'. My wet kit started to smell like death no matter how often I washed it.  It didn't take long for conversation to revolve around shitting and eating but it's something we all enjoy!!

We had 2 solo nights where we wandered off with all our kit and some rations and were told to return the next day. The first night did not go very well. I spilt water over my fire so I ended up having a tin of cold sweetcorn for dinner. It's ok though. I like sweetcorn. The second attempt 10days later went much better but I ended up cooking my noodles in strawberry flavoured water because I'd added tang to it for the trek. Oh well. Sweet and savoury in one meal!

Since then we've been learned more and more detailed and intricate first aid. I properly loved it! We started to put the casualties into scenarios with one of us leading and the others acting as manpower for clearing evacuation paths, comms to the outside world, note taking, running around... Again. PROPERLY love this. Next we were assessed on this. Colin and Jade (our trainers and casualties) prepared us very well for this. The funny part was that ANY moment they would go missing. Day or night... We each had turns as the designated leader and had to use our resources to FIND the person, assess any danger, nominate a medic and generally manage the situation. I got a good pass which is the equivalent of a merit. Very happy with that.

Food in general is pretty shit. It's either rice/noodle based or porridge. The highlight was probably spaghetti with a creamy mushroom sauce. I say creamy mushroom. I mean tinned mushrooms with their juice with milk powder and condensed milk added. The trade-off is food is heavy but it tastes nice. Rationing is a tricky one to get right.

We're (Jim and I) are off to a place called Long Lellang now. To see if there are any projects that TrekForce could use for future groups. There is a fair amount of paper work to go with it so our downtime will be pretty busy... I'll let you know more when I know more!

All in all, I feel pretty lucky to be here. I get to utter/mumble/ponder my favourite phrase - LIFE IS GOOD - often. Some of the others are starting to use it too. I think I could see myself doing this for a year or two. Who knows.

I think of you all often. Miss you sometimes. Love you always.

Take it easy,

Ads x

Another Day Starts...

So my welsh is becoming gently more proficient (at least when it comes to map reading)!

It's been an amazing 10days so far - mainly highs. Last week we stayed in a shed type roundhouse/ger. It's was 60% waterproof and we were sleeping on wooden planks for beds but it was pretty magical. Went on a massive walk up a mountain in 60-80mph winds which we had to abort near the top. In hindsight it was fairly tricky (although id stress that i never felt in danger) I have to admit that it was great fun. Unfortunately one of the fellas - Jim - badly sprained his ankle on the way down so me and Jack (affectionately known as man-beast) carried him down. THAT was tough. We learned first aid and legal responsibilities and packed and repacked our kit all in between keeping a fire going constantly to cook on, dry out clothes near and generally huddle round. Possibly one of the greatest weeks of my life amongst 'strangers' - soon to be friends.

Week 2 has been backdropped by llanberis, the blue/White peris outdoor activities centre and ML (Mountain leader) training. Warm, dry, ALMOST plush. Our days have been punctuated by climbs into to surrounding mountains - Crympiau, Tryfam and Cwm Idwal. I can happily admit my fear of heights having gently conquered them in the gully 800metres up the side of Tryfam. Definitely a mind over matter moment. Will I do it again? Probably MANY times over the next few months. Yesterday we concentrated on rope work without a harness. PROPERLY cool. Always wanted to learned stuff like that and the South African harness is A-MAZING.

I've been very fortunate to be doing what I am doing fir the near future and I hope the people who helped me to get here know how important they are to me. I wake up every morning and after I've wiped the sleep from my eyes, I get to mutter my favourite phrase - LIFE IS GOOD. I find myself saying that a LOT. I feel very lucky to be able say that so often.

I'm nit going to be able to update often and to be honest, nor do I want to but I just thought I'd say hi...

Take it easy everyone.

Biglove and Bearhugs