I WILL have my Gato and eat it... Malapascua is becoming slightly addicitive

If you have taken the time to watch this video, you are part of a collective who, with my guidance, are trying to rip apart the fabric of time. Please take care not to think too much about what I am about to say because it could cause cerebral damage.What you are watching, is me watching a camera filming me writing these words. Technically, if I re-watch this clip I am fairly sure I will open up a wormhole to another dimension. PLEASE be careful and whatever you do NOT put the video player on repeat.

As most of you might know or understand of me, the days of the week are fairly abstract in their meanings and necessity. OBVIOUSLY I understand that the concept of the Gregorian calendar and without days of the week, TECHNICALLY there would be no weekend... or weeks. Would there still be years? Would the year become the equivalent of the week? So instead of there being weekends there would be year ends. Year end - a combination of words that send a chill through my heart. Year. End. *shudders* Those accountant or finance types will understand and for those of you who did not know, in my former life I masqueraded as a management accountant -BLEURGH). Having just re-read this, I am also aware that either the heat or island life might be effecting my mental state. My brain seems to be enjoying it though.

Since the misguided, miscalculation of drinking all night and then diving first thing the next morning I have napped a fair amount, wandered around the island a little bit, eaten Lechon Baboi - spitroast pig - which seems to be becoming an integral part of my weekly schedule. On top of this, St. Patrick's day has been and gone, good food has been eaten, drinks shared with new and old friends alike, our man in Finland - Jari - has come out for a few days diving and possibly starting along the tech diving road. All in all. Wonderful things continue to happen.

The swim-through to
Shark Cave

Gato Island

There is a certain pretense I employ. I HATE the notion (with a military guerilla passion) of 'ticking things off' the list of life e.g. doing countries. Same when it comes to diving. All's well and good but there are definitely things that I have a heighten desire to see. So having seen the thresher sharks, Dona Marilyn wreck and done some muck diving I was running out of sites I 'had' to go to. Our Old Friend suggested just one more - Gato Island - and to my luck there was a two dive day trip going. Hurrah for those in charge of scheduling at Evolution. I was excited and I had a dive buddy going from a previous dive. What a delight. Gato Island delivered. I will paraphrase but Dive 1 started by swimming through a huge stone 'gate' down into the site where we were able to see white tip sharks sleeping in a small cave, many nudibranch, a hilarious number of sea urchins EVERYWHERE which forces you to maintain your bouyancy control, banded sea snakes and a pair of pipefish - one juvenile. Gorgeous.

Dive 2 was the swim-through. Something Our Old Friend had implored me to go to. Imagine going through a tunnel about the half the size of a London Underground Tube, it was dark, and about 30 metres long and then it narrows before opening up into a spectacular cave about the size of a Mongolian Ger (the round tents). I appreciate that that is a very obscure reference but I cannot think of anything else. Oh and in this cave there were 4-5 white tip sharks circling nonchalantly. One think I wanted to see on this trip was a shark or two. I now want to see many many more or these creatures. Their aggressive shape and reputation does not do justice to their grace and visual impact. WOW. Pure and utter WOW. I have to credit Esteban and Fiore for the photos of the tunnel. The site opened out into some amazing rock formation and we were also lucky enough to spot a rare Pigmy Seahorse which was smaller  than my little finger. Awesome. The rest of the dive descended into madness with me stealing my dive buddy's fin and swimming off amongst other high jinx.

I'm a Mandarin fish. That's what I do.

I am unsure whether I have talked about this concept before so humor me a second. Night Diving. It's like DIVING diving but it is done at night time this wouldn't be all that special if you lived in Svaalbad during summer BUT here in the real world it gets dark at night. So, in essence, night diving is diving in the dark, but the other interesting aspect is drawn from the different creatures that emerge at this time. We were diving House Reef with Evolution Dive shop as usual. Upon arrival there was dacu sug - big current - which is not conducive for slowly looking for little critters... in the dark. Mission abort. Repeat ABORT and re-locate to Lighthouse. This was a quiet blessing in disguise as there was a greater chance of seeing Mandarin Fish a gorgeous and skittish little fish that is fairly unique to this part of the world. I will use Shelagh, the resident DM at Evolution's description, that they look like a Picasso painting and I think that that makes some sense. You thoughts? It was fun for me because I got to dive with Jari for the first time and as usual, I just like being in the water. I spotted a few things here and there blah blah blah UNTIL, I noticed a small shadow in my light beam and assumed it was dirt on the lens. Nope. Ok, well, err. think Ads. What is it? THINK. I looked around and almost by chance I noticed a spec about the size of my little finger nail bang in the middle of my light beam. It was a teeny TINY squid. AWESOME. Then, right on cue, in the peripheries of my light, I saw a flash of iridescent blue - my favourite type of iridescence - it was a larger squid about the size of my thumb darting about give me the eye (not in a good way). I love squid. I love cuttlefish. I love octopus.

Bobtail squid

This curiosity stems from my illustrated encyclopedia of animals which I considered my bible when I was little. I am fairly sure that book formulated the foundation of my love of animals. My love for these cephalopod runs DEEP to the point of considered not eating them any more. This is a big statement because, as most of you know. I LOVE EATING SQUID. They are pretty much my go-to for comfort food. Anyway. This little fella just sat there for me and my buddy to stare at. An unforgettable moment. It was a nice swansong to finish my diving with on Malapascua.

We came, we saw, we dived.



I have to admit that my time here has been a treat. Diving with Evolution, hanging out at the bar, joking around with their boat crew and bar staff has been super-relaxing. It is no coincidence in my opinion that Matt and David who are the owners at Evolution are so successful on this island and that they share a good relations with Tim and Zoe - our fearless leaders at Liquid. They are doing it right. One day, if/when I have a family and they want to 'do' some diving then this place will be high on my list. Thanks to everyone here. Somehow you sparkle more brightly than the sea on a clear night with a full moon.

I'm not particularly sure why and it hasn't featured too heavily in my life in the past BUT the song Hold On by Alabama Shakes has been going round and round in my head. It will forever remind me of this magical island and the memories and friendships forged here. They sound bluesy with a wondrous touch of gospel vocals and a rock formula epitomized Kings of Leon. It might not set your life alight but it will give you a shimmy to your shake when it gets stuck in your head. Until the next time my friends. Look after yourself and be good to eachother.

Much love,

Ads

Dauin, I'm cheating on you... with Malapascua

Sometimes in life you look elsewhere for something new. It can manifest as food envy like when someone orders something that you wish you had. It can be fish envy where another group of divers saw a juvenile, pigmy, flambouyant manta fish (they don't REALLY exist). OR. It can be purely to experience something new and different. I am not for a minute condoning cheating, adultery or cuckoldry BUT I am suggestively suggesting you try new things. It is with this in mind that i metaphorically jumped on Our Old Friend's back on his way to his alma mater - Malapascua Island, Philippines.

"Lads on tour - the journey of awesomeness"

Forget Frodo, the Ring and Mordor we had a hefty 12-18 hour journey ahead - there was DEFINITELY some elasticity in the timings of things. One simply does not GO to Malapascua. We both knew it would be an interesting enterprise when it was a better idea for us to get out the pedi cab and walk for the first kilometre. We kinda missed our first bus but that turned out to be a blessing because we headed for a different ferry and THAT turned out to be much faster. A Ceres (bus) liner was waiting and we boarded to Cebu City - the Big Smoke. Let me explain that Ceres Liners are air-conditioned coaches driven by what I can only assume are trainee Filippino Rally Drivers although, in their defence, the faster they drive the shorter journey.

The Liquid - Aquamundo partnership continues

We arrived in Cebu, the land of buildings, roads, cars and hookers. We had already planned to do some gear shopping but when we found out that there was a TGI Friday's in the Ayala Mall we decided to stay for the night. It was a good choice. We visited AquaMundo who supply the Liquid Dive shop with most of their equipment and were greeted as old friends and treated exceptionally well. I cannot recommend them high enough for the customer service, their product quality, price and also the after-sale service. THANK YOU Joey and the team for your help.

Dona Marilyn - spooky huh

We drank and ate with gay abandon until we had to go home due to over filling. The next day was prefixed by a lunatic cab driver, another bus that we jumped on as it was leaving which is easier said than done with Our Old Friend's 30kg bag of (tech) dive gear and then suffixed by a joyful banker boat ride to Malapascua. It is all too easy to start shouting about white sand this and clear oceans that but for me, it is the closeness of the community here that has fueled the fire in my heart most.



I dived the Dona Marilyn wreck on my first full day and after two almost identical (in a good way) dives I can honestly say I have seen what a huge passeneger ferry looks like when it sinks. This particular ship sank in October 1988 during Typhoon Ruby in 130knot winds. It is slightly spooky and macabre to think that so many people sadly lost their lives in that spot. It was something I pondered while at 30metres. 

Hello my thresher sharky friend

Naturally a fella of my inquisitive nature cannot come to Malapascua and NOT go to see the thresher sharks so me and Our Kid decided to get absolutely obliterated and I ended staying up until 3:30am. This isn't that big of a deal until you realise that the thresher shark dives a Monad leave at 530am. So after one FULL hour's sleep, I was up and at 'em. I felt woefully bad but nothing a few dry heaves did not fix. Honestly, I was fairly underwhelmed. The sharks themselves were beautiful with their long ribbon tails and huge black inquisitive eyes - one of natures curious wonders. *ALERT - SOAP BOX MOMENT*. I don’t understand why everyone is kicking up such a stink over the Oslob whale sharks and the perceived detrimental effect on the migratory pattern while the circus at Monad is going on without any fuss. It was horrible seeing that many incompetent divers ripping up and breaking so much coral. It broke my heart a little bit and tainted the whole experience for me. I would love to encourage you to see the sharks (here)but I genuinely would rather the the fewer people diving there the better. Rant over-ish. I am sorry if i have trodden on anyone's toes or upset anyone BUT, like I said, I am disappointed (said in a Dad voice) that this continues to go on with no backlash. I'd happily hear your thoughts though.


I expect that most evening with continue along the lines of drinking at the Craic House - the Evolution bar - or going visiting and inevitably drinking Filippino style. Drinking Filippino style?What's all this jazz about? In the words of Destiny's Child, I don't think you're ready for this jelly... Basically, everyone sits round, and you all drink for one glass in turn. There is a gunner who is responsible for replenishing the drinking utensil with whatever the communal drink is (usually Tanduay or Red Horse / Gold Eagle - strong beer) and it also the gunner is sets the resulting pace for the night. Usually the faster the pace the better. So much so that if you take too long to drink you are berated with quips along the lines of "are you growing a tree in that". My personal favourite is "a man's not a camel. DRINK". Filippinos like to drink. I like to drink. We are a match made in heaven. Sometimes a drunken match made in heaven... but as long as heaven is there then all is well. Right? 

THIS is a useful reminder. Thanks Cebu

The day that made me smile to the core of my heart

I am only half a man without my pipe

Friends, another period of time has passed and thankfully we are reunited with our physical and mental health intact. For once I shan’t go down the faux-extistensial route about how fragile life is and how much we should cherish every second. Instead, I am going to tell you the story of what I consider to be the best full day – start to finish – almost since I first arrived here.  I appreciate that this a bold and superlative fuelled statement but I have slept on it for a few days and I stand by it.

Liquid Deco Shots - they're dangerously moorish

I will provide you with a little back story for your literary delectation. The resort has been FULL almost to the point of referring to its fullness as chock-a-block which is good for many reasons but mainly because a full resort is a happy resort. All the DMs and DMTs are busy, there is a full diving schedule and the gentle hubbub has been turned up to a roaring cauldron of activity. I have moved out of the DM village and into Grandma Darlene and Grandpa Al’s house with Our Old Friend as acting caretakers which I am very happy about not only because we get on very well BUT because it is nice to have your own self contained space AND the number of hilariously conjugated retorts never ceases to amaze me. Oh and the Liquid Deco Shots have been flowing.

Jari doing his thing

We have a new Rescue Diver/DMT to accompany Berlinda in the ‘journey’ to DiveMasterdom. His name is Jari from Finland and he will be juuuuust fine. If you imagine arriving to a new home to a game of Beer Jenga which had been underway for a while (therefore a fair few drunken people around), he settled straight in to bantering and drinking like a trooper. Welcome Jari. We look forward to many MANY more nights ahead.

The restaurant has been through a bit of a re-structuring under the guidance of Elin and so far the new roles are working like a dream. The standard has somehow increased with a new tinge of variation and much as it feels like a silly thing to talk about - the seasoning is now exemplary. I do have to add a small side point which relates to dessert. You and I already have preconceptions as to what ingredients usually furnish the sweet course of a meal so have a think on this – coconut porridge or maja blanca (coloured blue not white) with sweetcorn or banana and CHEESE crepes. Let me explain now thought that 90% of the time the desserts are magnificent but I had to give an honourable mention to these three.

For those of you who know me, I like to get a job done and I like to do it well. The hallowed day that I speak of is one of those rarities where I came away feeling like I could have done nothing better than what I did. The last few days had been busy in a fairly arbitrary way. I am affectionately known by the other local DMs as a DRIVEMaster as well as a DiveMaster because they see me driving the dive jeep as often as they see me leading dives. I have acted as an interim boat mechanic (I love getting messy trying to fix stuff); a dive guide and buoyancy guru, a never ending source of local knowledge, a cocktail developer as well as a focus for humour and beer. It was on a day punctuated by driving, carrying, liaising, smiling and planning.

The Cars - one Ferrari and one BMW

We had two new guests from Taiwan who were pretty serious divers and photographers who had been left in my charge to take them for two coastal dives using the Lobster. First of all, I LOVE driving that vehicle (it somewhere between a car and a tank). Secondly, as you know, I like to help newbies and pass on something I love, BUT it is wonderfully refreshing to dive without having to worry as much about your fellow divers’ ability. I was a TOUCH nervous because it is often the divemaster’s job to find little critters, interesting things to see as well as showing the dive site, this becomes increasingly prevalent with the divers’ ability mainly because the more ‘run of the mill’ fish you have seen, sadly, the less they are the focus for photographers. We were going to a site called Cars. Why is it called Cars? Is this a whitty, kooky joke? Nope. Basically there are two cars and a bunch of other foreign metal object sunk in the water at around 25metres. But this is pollution no? Under managed circumstances metal objects vastly encourage marine growth and much more so than natural organic matter. It will take around 6months for a metal object to be teeming with life whereas wood will take a few years to become ensconced with macro life.

Scorpion Fish

Ornate Ghost PipeFish

We walked into the water from the shore and meandered our way towards the cars. Me being me, I decided to take an alternative route via a few mooring blocks I knew of an BINGO we started off with a Donald duck shrimp and three sleeping juvenile lion fish. Confidence was on its way up. We moved deeper along the slope and found a few small coral lumps and some tangled rope where Cathy found a beautiful flamboyant cuttlefish – AWESOME. The three of us were a good team. I searched out the broader area ahead, I would alert Cathy to what I had found and she would wait for Star to come with his huge sea monster of a camera rig.  Star was busily and expertly taking photos always being careful not to get in anyone’s way or interrupting our marine hosts. I will not over describe what else happen EXCEPT what we found: two species of moray eels intertwined together, a scorpion fish, a large Sea Moth with iridescent blue fin tips, a bunch (not sure of the collective noun) of Lion fish – BEAUTIFULLY DANGEROUS, glass shrimp and 5, yes FIVE ornate ghost pipefish. The pipefish were a huge deal for me because I had never found ANY on my own before and they were the FIRST critters I was ever shown back on my first dive with DM Dan back in the day. Back then I had not real interest or understanding of the skill it takes to spot these tiny, camouflaged creatures so there was a nice circularity there for me.

There was a tidy little challenge embedded within this dive because it appears the Star and Cathy did not really need to breathe underwater, so for the first time in a LONG time, I was having to carefully monitor and ration my air consumption. It turns out that after an hour dive with most of it at a decent depth which increases consumption speed due to increased pressure and therefore air density, (well within our deco limits), we all finished with about a third of our air left. AWESOME DIVE. I could quite happily say that it was one of the best dives I have ever had the honour of being on let alone led. Adam = Happy BeardFace. The rest of the day panned out nicely, with fun and laughter, drinks were drunk and stories were shared. BLISS.

Since then I have lead many MANY customers around and continue to see amazing and beautiful creatures. I think I am in love with the ocean a little bit. I now have a favourite nudibranch (literal translation – naked lung because they breathe through their skin) Funeral Jurona. Having a favourite nudibranch was something I always gently scoffed at when i first started diving however, now I understand what the fuss is about. Look them up. 

Life here is becoming increasingly addictive. The people I call my friends are slowing setting up camp the long term section of my heart and I continue to look forward to writing to you. ALL OF YOU.

I have not been listening to as much music as usual BUT somehow (and I am not usually a fan) but FatBoy Slim’s – Don’t Let The man Get You down(Pay Your Debts) has been on constant rotation in my brain. Maybe it’s the aptness of the line “and the long haired freaky people need not apply...”

I hope whatever you are doing and wherever you are, I find you in good health and high spirits. I cannot wait to see you again and when I do... HUGS ALL ROUND!!! Hurroo!!

Love as usual,

BeardFace

A special thanks to Star, Mark Pacey and Anna for letting me use their photos in this blog!

PS. TELL YOUR FRIENDS

PPS. Yeah, that is a photo of me with a magnifying glass and 'smoking' my pipe while diving