Week 3.SMASH.

Well, well, well, look what we’ve got here. You just can’t get enough can you! For shame. I, on the other hand, am open with my voyeuristic love for too much never being enough. Today is another glorious day on the island of Negros in the Philippines. Some of my friends still think I am in Malaysia or even Indonesia. Just to help everyone out, I am training to be a DiveMaster. It’s like being in the jungle but it’s underwater.

If I’m honest there are many parallels between my life as a Bearded JungleMan and my currently life as a Bearded DiveHero (my words not anyone else’s). I wake up every morning earlyish, make sure that my beard and hair look good, they do. Do I wear a vest today? What colour shorts? Am I going to be diving or swimming in the hour or two? All tricky things to consider. It can get chilly out here. It dropped below 27^oC the other day. Next decision is footwear - flip-flops not jungle boots – do I wear my cheap workhorse pair or the fancier pair that I “save for best?” I still give a respectful nod to my boots which faithfully stand guard outside the front door being aired for the rest of their life. I eat my apple and then head to the office. Admittedly I had no choice of clothes to choose from or any such luxury as to care about the weather OR the chance to eat apples or have a shower or drinkable water OR a bed to ponder such existential conundrums in the jungle but I still hold firm that my current life is still similar to my recent incarnation.

So, I’ve made it out of bed, had a HOT shower, brushed my teeth taken my vitamin supplements and walked all the way to the lodge where I am greeted by friendly, happy faces – both staff (Anne or Lovely (that's her ACTUAL name) and guests – usually checking emails, trying to book flights or looking at their next destinations. Breakfast ranges from a bowl of good old fashioned Kellogg’s cornflakes with milk to The Whole Shebang (egg, bacon, grilled tomato, toast, fruit salad and a glass of tang). The first dive leaves approximately 8:30 depending on where you are going and how many dives are taking place that day.

 I leave my key with Nez who runs the dive shop whilst being possibly the sweetest, kindest and smiliest girl IN THE WORLD. Let’s pretend we are going to Apo Island which is one of the world’s best dive sites. Ginalyn would have packed our lunch of rice and fish or a sandwich on homemade bread and we would all head to Putt-Putt the beach launch boat that takes us to Sundancer. Once we are in the vicinity of the water we are placed safely in the hands of Captain Vince, Roy ‘the tank’, Julius and sometimes Alan who is tankish in build but fridge-like in stature. Between these guys you are both safe and CONSTANTLY amused/confused. As Sundancer ploughs through any waves that may exists, the divers chatter excitedly about the various flamboyant or ghost or flamboyant ghost species of fish they might see or perhaps they glaze poetically out to sea. Once we have reached our dive site and Vince has deciphered a multitude of conflicting hand signals given by Julius and Alfred (Roy just sits quietly atop the prow of the boat waiting to hooking the mooring line). Alfred – Liquid’s current DiveMaster will give us the briefing which I would be willing to bet mentions a “sandy sloop” (slope). Alfred likes sandy sloops. We will dive. Everyone has their own ways of enjoying their dives. For example, I like to be upside down or hovering while hardly breathing, Dan likes to spot fish and take photos where possible, Alfred plays on the sandy sloops somehow finding things that barely exist, yet when we re-surface everyone bubbles with the same enthusiasm. I love that. There is also a touch of international and slightly indecipherable banter. I love that as well.

We will return TRIUMPHANTLY back to the resort and fill Keith in with all the fish we have seen (he very interested). Once all equipment is rinsed and humans de-salinated in my favourite shower I head to the lodge/bar/restaurant/chill out area where San Miguel Light is served by the crate load.

 Just as a heads-up to my weight conscious friends, San Miguel Light is not light on alcohol but calories, just 150kcal per bottle. AMAZING. Couple that with happy hour and you have the makings of (another) wonderful evening at Liquid Dumaguete. It is around this time that I’ll have my daily conflab with Keith. This is one of my favourite parts of the day during which I am assured all is well with Ian down at the Drill Shack – a bar along the beach from us owned and run by Ian a former oil driller. How can this joyous day get any better I hear you ask? I wondered the same thing when I first arrived. It does not include narcotics, hookers or guns. Ricky and Peddy, the chef and his assistant respectively, conjure up different, tasty and filling meals for lunch and dinner EVERY DAY. I have not eaten the same thing twice yet. One of my personal favorite parts about dinner is that we eat as a big family. All round one table. All chattering about everything from fish seen that day to Blackadder. Who could be homesick with a surrogate family like this?

Slowly but surely people head to bed or hang out and watch whatever movie is playing that night. I usually retire around nine sometimes via the beach where I sit, watch the (shooting) stars and listen to some music using my Wild Spice Pingles can amplifier. You think this is some crazy novelty electronic product however you would be more wrong than banana in Spaghetti Bolognese. If you have a electronic device with a small tinny speaker, merely put it speaker end down into a pringles can and you have a Bose sound system. If in the jungle use a LARGE tin of tuna (after you have burnt the residual food and moisture out of it... and let it cool). Try it. Unless you have an iPod dock. That probably works better.

As usual my friends, my tan is getting darker and I am awaiting your visit with excitement. Make it happen people. This place has to be seen, lived and breathed to be believed.

Much love,

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